I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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