I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
