Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
