Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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