Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
