His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
