thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize