My room smells like vodka and shame
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
