if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
