someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
