I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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