I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
