I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
