yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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