I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize