3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
