at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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