Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
