i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
