Are we in a gay sports bar?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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