I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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