3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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