he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
