You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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