this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
