shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
