remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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