Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you win again, gameday.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
