You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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