The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
