Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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