Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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