Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
