I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
