Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
