you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My balls are so social today.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
