I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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