omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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