apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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