Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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