I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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