you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize