After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
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