You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
