shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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