physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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