youre lurking in front of me
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I deserve this hangover.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
