All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
