the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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