My brain says no but my pants say off.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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