I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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