There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
