shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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