It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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