someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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