..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
