A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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