so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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