Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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