fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
it was like eating out sand paper
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize