I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
