The maid of honor just puked.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Oh god it's open bar.
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