Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
