everyone is single if you try hard enough
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
