Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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