Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
