"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
