I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
