i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
