dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
