He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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