I just cut my nipple shaving
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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